Baby steps….

Head up

Mouth open

Chin tilt

Mind free and accepting to anything swimming in the sea of swarming masterpeices not yet recognized…

Baby steps I told myself. Mouth open, water drips to the tile floor, I stare at myself. Tabla rosa my conscious screams, when’s my blank slate to start! Or am I just  deceiving  myself into believeing that a fresh start is what I need…

Nothing is easy, nor is recognizing that changing your atmosphere is what you need in life to gain happiness…or to just gain a since of self, or where you want to go.

“You’re mine…” 

I remember the suttle yet corrupt phrase like yesterday with rain, a mixture of must, and hot cheetos. The bus was yellow, he was yellow, my mind was mellow, and my heart was not..as..evident at the time. I didn’t know what I wanted in life…still don’t but the beat it carries now is less faint than it was back then…

Again mine…i smile and remember… we held hands, it was sweet but… mine.

My memory, his hand…

 Again, I couldn’t even figure what real intention lie behind what was said though , an 8th grade boy… really how much motive could there be? Seriously not even a real question but…

I look back  now and don’t want to believe I ever thought being called someone else’s was a good thing, especially when you don’t know who you are…at that age.

Where I’m going with this…I still don’t know…but, baby steps I thought to myself.  This is what came to me. 

Self don’t be stuck on stupid. There will be times where lonliness becomes your home to live in on endless days of nothing to do.And though Tis tempting, sleep is not your best friend. In some cases maybe but, a trap of leaving the real world instead of solving all your problems is a possibility not worth risking. You can not let sleep cave you into a tiny space of overthinking. Pursuit is wanting for you to work on yourself for once…to stop rehashing the past  becoming nothing more than dust bites and giftcards under the bathroom sink…

~wordyqueen

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